It all starts here….

2018 has been quite a year , in fact it’s been life changing .

Our family lost our most precious member and we are all floundering .

June 2018 , I lost my dad.

84 years old and enjoying his life . Off in his camper van to see the places he loved . He planned everything to perfection and knew exactly what he wanted to do and see . Scotland was usually the direction he went , rarely did he go further than the Tyne unless he was visiting family and friends in Cheshire , Shropshire and Warwickshire.

His trip was going to include a few days on Mull and I helped him sort a campsite by going on the ‘tinternet ‘ ( he refused to get involved with that sort of technology)

Off he went and I promised to water his plants and keep an eye on things at home . He tootled upto Edinburgh to spend a night with my sister and family and had a relaxing meal and chat (lots of chat – he was good at that ! ) 4 generations were together and Dad was content .

Texting was always dads way – short and sweet and to the point ( old phone and I can visualise him squinting whilst pressing his index finger on the keys ) . His first text was …. sitting on a bench on the Isle of Mull , waiting for the boat to see Golden Eagles , Sea Eagles and Dolphins . “Ooh have a fab time , dad xxx”

He did have a fab time .

Saturday night and I’m back from work . My sister text to ask if I had heard from Dad as he was meeting some friends in Culloden and wanted to tell him where to go . ” don’t worry , he will have no reception “

Two police officers came to me door . “Do you have someone with you ? ” they say “just tell me ” I say

“So sorry but your father has died “

I am crying as I write this . We are nearly six months into this new era and we still cant believe we won’t hear, see and feel our wonderful Dad , grandad . It has been a very different journey we are taking and we are dealing with it in very different ways .

I jump from quiet to sad to crying to remembering to possibly to maybe to yes to ok to no to want to me to life to new to old …. ffs

Inspector Monroe from Wick I would hopefully tell you face to face one day , how you made this grieving journey a bit more bearable and very very comforting when you kept in touch with me and told me that in all the years you had worked and seen people who had died , that Dad was tucked up in his duvet , in his camper , with his eyes shut and so peaceful …. your heart just stopped Dad , that is all

Anyway , this is my first blog and I have just started writing down as I think and today is good because this is going to be the next path I take without Dad . I feel excitement as I am my fathers daughter and he always said it would be fine …